Saturday morning, October 23, 2010. Pretty much exactly 5 years since I started my business and ...basically... a new life. I don't know... after the craziness of Paris, and the book gift bags that I had to get ready for New York last week...I have time to reflect today.

( I found out last Friday that I was a finalist with the Eric Hoffer Awards with my memoir, The House of Many Faces. Pretty great news at any time, especially great since 300 copies were going out in gift bags to the top 300 fashion CEO's in the world next week. The memoir began as my english thesis in 2004..I was an english honors student at the University of Arizona, and it is beyond cool that it is still finding it's voice.)

What is a new life? A new life is... a shedding of the old and creating, building something new. My new life was personal, business, social...everything, but 'everything'. The only thing that stayed were those who were the very closest to me. A handful of people.

As a woman, on her own for the first time....living alone, traveling alone, making all these life changes decisions and moves alone... it was such a journey to find my comfort zone. I am an omniverous learner...I read at my count, over 37 business books my first two years of 2005-2007; never mind what I read online and in magazines. My business sucked me in wholesale for the first three years.It was an infant... and it needed to be held, nurtured, cared for and encouraged to grow strong and healthy, so that eventually it would not need me at all times.

I am constantly astounded by the societal pre-conceptions that are so ingrained and unchallenged by people; such as... a successful woman cannot possibly have time for a relationship and be a successful business person. Yet, men do... all the time and people do not assume that they have no life if they are successful. They usually have a job, a wife, family, children, and often, the very successful ones a mistress as well. Oh...and they find time to play golf. No one comments that "They can't do it; that it is too much; that they have no time for a partner; or any kind of personal life." But they do to me... all the time.

I think that most people are most comfortable going along the trodden paths of what has been done, and that that will take them where they want to go. I am always looking for ...not only a shortcut...because I have no need to waste my time or effort...but a new way to get where I want to go that is undiscovered. "DRAGON TERRITORY" as one friend said to me. I will define what kind of woman I am, in which society I fit, wher I belong, where I fit in, with whom, eschew the established caste systems, discard and re-invent my connections to the people and places I want to be- and create my own path....my way. My choices. I am accountable, I will live with the consequences.

"You should live in NY." "You should date an older, established man ( or become his mistress) and it will get much easier." " You should give your jewelry to celebrities...then the press will follow." "You should...".

I just gave a sampling of the "You should's." There have been many, many, "You should's" thrown my way since I started this. And "You shouldn'ts".

I grew up in Canada in the 20th century, I live in the United States of America..I am a dual citizen of the two most egalitarian countries and societies on the planet... and on top of that...I grew up on the west coast within the least traditional and free society for a female to grow up in -in THE world -and I have to listen to this all the time. And I don't look like an androgynous facsimile of a business person, and I don't dress like I live in Tucson, nor, nor do live to socialize with those that are always appropriate or perform the 'dancing monkey' routine that others would like me to dance in the right places with the right people. Antone trying to tell me what "I should' do...is going to have a hard time...until i can think it through for myself.And I cannot be bought, nor will I be sold. In this world with the current value systems...it does make things more complicated and difficult than for those that are willing to compromise and as one "You should" told me,"Play the game, to stay in the game."

Hmmmm....I never did like playing games and I still don't. Pass.